Here’s an interesting story about my experience with self help books.
I would consider this reflection to capture one of the most insightful realizations I’ve ever had -ever!
Lately I’ve travelled l through many airports, and one thing I see at the shops in almost every airport is a section for books; and in that book section, about half or more are “self-help” books.
Have you ever picked up a book like this? Books with titles along the lines of winning friends, influencing people, being a great leader, starting a million dollar business, romantic strategy, not giving a fuck, giving a fuck, and so on..
There is always at least one shelf, without fail, dedicated to books like this! What’s more is that there are often new and different titles popping up, even if I’d just seen that same shelf a couple months before.
Ok - point is, there are hella self-help books. I mean a lot. That means that there are a lot of people out there desiring what these books are selling!
I’ve read many - most of the books I’ve ever read are in this category in some way or another. I would definitely classify yoga related books to be in a similar category as well.
Back when I was still studying engineering - I was not such a happy fellow. I wanted to be happy and I believed that I should be happy (which is a hallmark of anyone who will find happiness) BUT dang it if I wasn’t happy and didn’t know what to do about it! So I started picking these books up. I read many and I learned a few things about human psychology and behavior and mindset and blah blah.
These books often made for good reads because after reading them I always felt like I knew something, I felt smarter - or like I “saw the light”. Most books left me with something. This was a temporary high because there came a moment when I recognized in myself - that for all this knowledge - it was not doing a damn thing to make me happier overall. You read that correctly, something must have been lost in translation. I can even remember when the thought entered my mind: “All these books say about the same things! So then, is this all there is? Is this it? Do I know it all and I’m still not happy?” - Poor me right? Well, over the past few years, I finally figured it out - so keep reading ;)
Those very thoughts left me with an inexplicable emptiness. It was deflating and I felt let down or jaded. Why? Why? Why!? I believed the books, they often resonated with me, and were often rooted in science and yet the application seemed… impossible.. “Oh yeah, just change your behavior loop and you are sorted!” or “Oh just think - Really think happy thoughts” - haha OK, I am taking liberty here to have a bit of fun, however if you’ve read any self dev books - you get me!
Alright, so where am I going with this?
Here I was consistently unhappy and unsatisfied with my inability to apply the seemingly obvious lessons from many of these books. This soon became more of a source of aggravation, far removed from any improvement in happiness! I would often try to make positive changes only to be met - slapped in the face even - with old behaviors upending my efforts like invisible forces of impending failure!
This is a pivotal moment folks! A crisis, a curse, AND a blessing. Let me tell you why… For the record, my understanding has come from years of doing things differently.
A pivotal moment for anyone is a moment where they gain a new self awareness. I began to gain awareness of some of my behaviors and patterns AND my inexplicable inability to change them. Brought up in an instant gratification culture made this experience infuriating.
LESSON - change takes time. I was upset because I thought that since I knew the right things, then it was a given that I could behave in a manner that aligned with them… NOPE! I discovered an invisible force - that force being my unconscious patterns. The annoying thing about unconscious patterns is that they are active when, you guessed it, when we go unconscious! This turns out to be far more often how we inhabit most of our time - unconscious, asleep at the wheel. It’s true!
I expect just about anyone reading this to be able to relate with me. When it comes down to it, we often know what is right and we aspire to live up to that. It’s just that we are chained down by our unconscious patterns. Yoga gets this. This stuff I’m talking about has been known and understood about human psychology and the human experience for thousands of years - seemingly for all time.
The funny thing is that we aren’t born with a manual on how to live or how to change our unconscious patterns. What we are born with, and inherit, are all those patterns our parents have and the ones society impresses upon is at our most impressionable age - conception to early childhood. Because here’s the thing, our parents (and society too) are also operating from their own unconscious most of the time. So in a funny way (well I think it’s funny now) the odds are really stacked against us - unless we hit the lottery with a well adjusted and adapted family. Otherwise we have to go on a journey of unlearning those things not serving us and taking back what is really ours. It is our responsibility and destiny to go on this journey. This is a spiritual journey. Now, don’t get me started on spiritual books because those are just the same as self help books. They are great for awareness and don’t really do much in terms of helping us actually shift the unconscious behaviors.
So what works, If not the books?
It REALLY clicked when I began consistently practicing yoga. Yoga practice is like a continuous reminder to come back to the present moment. When the mind is observing and experiencing what is within the body and sense organs. When the mind connects to the present moment - a rare occasion for many - that is our golden moment of being conscious. This is where we get to, over time and with consistent practice, update our unconscious programming. That is playing to win folks! Practices like yoga and especially meditation put us in a divine position to create our lives from the inside out. Books - they’re great, but they are an “outside - in” approach. Make sense? Change comes from within! It took me so long to realize this for myself and only after consistent practice of yoga and meditation did I start to become at peace with my difficulties and slowly forging a new path.
I am not a patient person. Look I know that saying that isn’t helping my cause either, however if I’m being honest, it is my experience of life. In the face of my impatience, it is an absolute miracle that I have discovered for myself the real truth about being human. I now dedicate my life to the process of change, instead of instant gratification. I work daily through practicing meditation to master my mind so that I can live more in the present moment, so that I can create more for myself consciously and re-write the unconscious patterns that I downloaded while growing up. I also strive to be mindful of my environment and whether it is having a positive and beneficial impact on this process, and if it is not, then I seek a new environment and new peers.